If you know me you’d know that I carry an assortment of vocabulary books, a thesaurus, and I’m constantly updating my dictionary apps. An English teacher once advised me to stick to smaller words in order for my reader to understand me better. Like every human I have a harmatia, there is a word that my vocabulary sorely lacks. One that I seldom use and also a cause for concern is my inability to say NO.
Over the years it’s put me in some of the worse situations. In fact only a little while ago did I realize that it was a dangerous and detrimental flaw. I try too hard to please everybody. In doing so I’ve said yes to everyone and no to myself.
It’s been engraved in my character traits. People have become so accustomed to asking the world of me, but I am not Atlas, I cannot bear such weighty burdens. In so readily agreeing to help I have become a goldmine for exploitation and being taken advantage of.
Actually saying yes all the time isn’t the people-pleasing tactic I assumed. Despite my efforts they still have the audacity to add “well maybe you could alter this…” or “actually I’d prefer…” and humbly speaking I’m too nice to argue. I bend and comply to their wishes thus trampling my own. Being a giving and generous person should not be a weakness however in my cause it’s become toxic and I suffer the worst side effects.
As Theresa Mallinson, a freelance writer said “too many ‘yes’ answes ended up equalling a big fat no, I found myself unable to keep up with commitments I had made, commitments I had made with a smile but inwardly deeply resented.” If I do something for someone I want to it with a shinning sincerity and I want to feel the warmth of knowing that I made someone’s struggle a tiny bit easier. Nowadays this simply isn’t the case for me.
I know it’s easy saying it now and when put to practice I really will have to bite my tongue before it can accept the bequests of people who moat of the time ask with the intent to relieve themselves of a task and to dump it on my hands. These acts of supplication have cluttered my life and complicated the space in my mind. I am tired and I cannot do this anymore.
Today I am saying NO. Not to anyone in particular. To myself. NO to everytime my lips form an automated response of “yes”. NO to keeping the peace. NO to selflessness at the loss of self. NO to the forward guy who tries to approach me, I will not give you a smile. NO to the comment you just made, I don’t like it, it makes me uncomfortable. NO, I will not do your assignment for you, it should be a reflection of your hard work and not mine. With apologies to Obama, it’s empowering knowing that yes, I can say NO.
Yes, I already feel liberated.
_Quixotic Novelist
Quixotic Novelist 